†Fly

2011-10-06T10:15:00.001+08:00

I realize that I can use this blog like a timeline of my life. Quite interesting. I really hope this never crashes and dies because I would like to keep reminding myself of the moments, good and bad. =]

2011-08-27T18:50:00.002+08:00

Hello blogger.

Hello myself.

It's been a while since I've threaded down the golden path of my memories;

and you know what occurred to me?

I'm proud of what I've written.

I'm proud to read about the past and myself and know that I've grown

Leaps and bounds since I started this blog.

and of course I'm hoping that I will never stop growing.

2011-06-28T17:00:00.000+08:00

I feel sick,

are my grievances for nought?

It is the right choice...

Isn't it?

It hurts.

All Your Love

2011-05-18T23:09:00.000+08:00

It is hard loving someone else
When you barely got enough to love yourself
And it is hard trying to ease someone's pain
When your own hurt is more than you can take

But how the hell can we be lovers if we don't even love each other
If we're down for one another
We have to find a way to cover each others back
Instead of tracks
I wanna make you smile instead of make you mad
And I won't act like I'm all that
Cause if you left I would take you back
Cause sometimes I don't care what you've done
I just know I want your love

2011-05-09T22:01:00.003+08:00

I am here quietly crying out in pain;

will you save me?

If you don't.

will anybody else?

The Trap

2011-05-09T21:47:00.003+08:00

Encore deux autres qui tombent dans le piège

Leur vie devient celle d'un manège

Ils tournent en rond sans plus rien voir

Et c'est le désespoir

Il n'y a plus d'union éternelle

Nul ne s'attache, nul n'est fidèle

Lui profite de ses nuits de miel

Qu'il collectionne, qu'il renouvelle

Elle l'aime

2011-05-06T20:47:00.000+08:00

I still see you fucking her in my brain. I'm sorry, but it's true.

2011-05-06T20:44:00.000+08:00

So today was day two. How did it go? Not very well.

We met, we talked, we cried, again.

Are we making progress?

Maybe... It's far too early to tell...

You know what I think?

Life sucks.

2011-05-06T20:42:00.000+08:00

Losing you is going to be more painful than anything you've ever done to me.

2011-05-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

Well, this situation certainly calls for an:

EFFE

EHM

ELLE

So it has been a while...

2011-05-05T21:33:00.006+08:00

Today was a bad day; I guess it's due to the discovery of very surprising news...

Okay, that's a lie. It wasn't really all that surprising. 'Doomed to fail.' As I would call it, but perhaps I am being too harsh.

But then again, maybe not.

My head hurts.

And you also know what I've discovered? I drink a large amount of water when I'm upset, and I also pee a lot. Funky huh?

You know what's annoying. Assuming you have it all. This always happens.

Never ASSUME.

You make an ass out of me and... Well, really just me.

I guess it's more of my deep rooted fear once again rising and biting me in the ass, hard, with those sharp-as-hell fangs that cut into skin and bone. It really isn't the content of it or what happened, but its more the aftermath.

I fear the aftermath.

Should I spread such fear into the wide open internet where anyone can read it?

Perhaps that was my original intentions when I wrote this post.

Do you ever realize that self-analysis just lead to more self-confusion.

Never try it, you get no where.

Thinking is bad.

Thinking is really bad.

Thinking, is only for the strong.

And to be fair, I'm really not all that strong right now.

So this is my way of evading the inevitable.

Ranting,

and writing out every little thought that enters this teeny tiny head of mine.

I suppose its just; I'm so easy to please that whenever someone does a little more than the norm I jump up and down in joy.

What if I'm not good enough?

What if the reason I go through all I go through is because I am not good enough?

What if he leaves me because I'm not good enough?

Even after he cheated?

Even after all this pain?

What if I'm not worth it?

It's depressing and sad and insecure and stupid of me, I know.

But what was that quote again?

Once bitten, twice shy, and the third means you're a dumbass.

Or something along those lines.

But back to my original train of thought.

Fear.

Fear of what exactly you may ask?

My dear imaginative metaphorical friend that is the only reader of this lame blog.

Fear of losing.

And I always, always lose.

2011-01-30T23:07:00.002+08:00

Living with you is like living in a world with no air. I hate you sometimes but love you more.

This hurts like fuck.

I want everything to be okay.

But I know if it's worth it, we've got to fight for it.

formspring.me

2011-01-26T15:04:00.003+08:00

<3 http://formspring.me/fyloves

formspring.me

2011-01-26T15:04:00.001+08:00

<3 http://formspring.me/fyloves

an afterthought

2010-12-19T01:35:00.002+08:00

This is one of my favourite passages from "If You Could See Me Now" by Cecelia Ahern.

It's something to think about. Something interesting and very well described.

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world, or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain.

If there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It trashes around in your chest lie a great white shark caught in the sea; it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken. That's what it looks like and that's what it sounds like, a trashing, panicking, trapped great big beast, roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions. But that's the thing about love - no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks, it's silent. You're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.

I bow down to Ahern for this one. Very well and classily done.

2010-12-01T22:49:00.001+08:00

one more and I don't know if it'll heal.

2010-11-20T17:51:00.002+08:00

I want to let the world know who I'm in love with.

I want to let the world know that you're mine and mine alone.

I want to let the world know that you're the one I think about at night

the one that drives me insane

the one that fills my heart with joy

and contentment at the same time

Baby.

Breakeven.

2010-11-20T00:09:00.002+08:00

Instructions:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

Fireworks

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

Conspiracy

3) HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

Say It Right

4) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Great Indoors

5) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Mad

6) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Closer

7) WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

Between Angels and Insects

8) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Adagio for Strings

9) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Everybody Loves Somebody

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

From Paris to Berlin

11) WHAT IS 2 + 2?

Daughters

12) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR EX BOY/GIRL/BEST FRIEND?

My Worst Nightmare

13) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Keeps Getting Better

14) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Over the Moon

15) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

What You Got

16) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother [LOL. Incest much. =P ]

17) WHAT WILL YOU DO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Can't Leave 'em Alone

18) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

The Four of Us Are Dying

19) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??

Bohemian Rhapsody

20) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Let Me Blow Ya Mind

21) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

West Coast Friendship

22) WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

Passion

23) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Brand New Day

24) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Banana Pancakes

25) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

Cut the Curtains

26) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

The Scientist

27) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

Contact

28) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

Through the Wire

29) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

Mama Do

30) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

Misery Business

31) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

New Shoes

32) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

Lose Control

33) WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO SAY TO THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU? Devon =]

No Surprise

34) WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS NOTE?

Breakeven

not just a dream

2010-11-16T06:46:00.002+08:00

ngawh baby your post on my blog =P
true true darling. but you're also so damn amazing I really don't mind
you tucking me into bed is something I need now, I hardly ever get such amazing sleep when you're not around.
missing you already

baby we all know you drive me insane

but like a drug addict

you're my favourite brand of heroine.

i'm AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2010-11-15T21:12:00.000+08:00

i'm so awesome. as u can see, i have someone that loves me so much. she does so much for me and follows me around yet i treat her like poop. i show her affection by abusing her and saying the harshest things to her.

my muse

2010-11-15T00:20:00.001+08:00

Without you I was tired and uninspired.

Now I need to resist the urge.

2010-11-14T22:45:00.002+08:00

I'm the kind of girl

who can write love notes over love notes

that finds herself doodling your name

all over her math worksheets

I'm the type of girl

that spends hours dreaming of your face

thinking of how sweet you are

how lucky she is to have you

I really hope you don't mind

2010-11-12T00:20:00.002+08:00

Baby, maybe we won't be the perfect couple

We're loud and messy;

unusual and strange.

We're queer and crazy;

different, yet the same.

And maybe we won't last for long,

with you leaving and all that

maybe we're both being stupid

because we're just setting ourselves up for a fall

But baby, even though I know it will hurt like nothing else when you leave

Still,

you're the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time

and I would rather be here than anywhere else.

sometimes I still need you

2010-10-05T22:08:00.002+08:00

I was struggling to get in

left me outside your door

waiting on you

given false hope.

I'm done waiting.

maybe it's easier for you

to give up and not care

to pretend like all these years hasn't meant a dime

or maybe not pretend, but truly believe.

sometimes the world works in such mysterious ways

sometimes life runs through its up and downs and

sometimes,

it feels like you've hit rock bottom

and someone comes and digs a deeper hole underneath you

its easier to give up

and ignore the hurt

build up those iron walls

and refute those helping hands

these words I'm writing

I don't really know what they mean

I'm just typing as I think

all I know is that,

I'm sick and tired of this.

what you will never understand

never be able to truly grasp

is that I have never intended for you to hurt

never intended for you to think I was the bad guy

the one wearing the mask

you will never truly see

because you're too blinded by your own world

blocked out by feigned love

and impressive greens

you will never be able to realize

that everything I have done

everything I have said

is only because I care.

because I care too damn much

and not for me

for you

but your idiocy,

your blindness

your stupidity

will never let you see that

will never let you see that I wouldn't care if you shut me out of your life

that I only care because

you're ruining your own.

I sit here thinking that no,

I don't.

I don't need you anymore.

Because I've ceased caring.

2010-10-02T14:59:00.001+08:00

I need inspiration.

Rudyard Kipling

2010-10-02T14:44:00.001+08:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

2010-09-19T01:32:00.001+08:00

should I be concerned

that it is so easy to fake a smile?

2010-08-31T00:48:00.000+08:00

Dearest Aribob,

Oh wow, it’s been a long road hasn’t it? Since I met you almost four years ago its no surprise to say we both have grown in leaps and bounds; and in so many ways than just one.

To be honest with you I feel kind of strange typing this letter out. For two reasons really; the first is because I was going to write this out instead of typing it, but my writing got so ugly it was almost illegible. The second is knowing that we are not as close as we used to be.

To me it really sucks, to not be close to you anymore. I have loved you for so long it really just seems instinctual to never stop. I was upset at first of course, with you and stef and the whole not talking to any of us thing (I hope you understand that. If you were in my position I’m sure you’d feel the same way) but after a while I realized that what the hell, you’re happy right? Who am I to judge or say anything? After all I always said that as long as she’s happy, I am. And I am. For you, for stef, for how good (hopefully) things have been for you.

Babe, I will never forget our stupid moments. The moments that mean the most. Like our Lazy Day at your place; dancing on chair to Mamma Mia, lying in bed next to you watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Falling for the same guy – Reuben Gan. Dating the two year 13s (at least now they are) together that made everything all the more fun. The countless sleep over’s where we ate in your bed. The shopping trips and movies we’ve watched together. Your spelling moments where you forget whether trees are spelt with two r’s or two e’s. Our stupid, crazy, insane moments. Our fails at English together. Our working together for exams (even though we both know we didn’t actually work). Our never-ending discussions. Our make out sessions. Our drunken episodes.

And then the more important moments, like you helping me through the breakup with Aaron. You helping me through my family’s crisis. You helping me with Edwin and Bianca. You helping me get through life in general. Your famed lines that I will never forget “Baby steps Fung, baby steps.” The number of sleepless nights we had on the phone together, crying about something or another. Through boys, Daniele and Bronzie and Barton and that England guy of yours that for the life of my I cannot remember the name of. Through Sean and Sonic and whoever the hell there is out there.

Oh my lord I’m starting to cry as I write this. Babe, you mean so so so much to me that you have no clue. Up until writing this letter I thought you know, its okay that we’re drifting apart, but oh lord I forgot how much I missed you. You know how they say you don’t know what you got till its gone? Precisely.

I know you have a lot on your plate already with leaving Stef and all that. I want you to know that I’m always here for you a call away, skype, BBM, whatever you want I’ll be here for you. We’ll talk often and you can tell me about your life there and the things that have been going on.

Doll out of the rest of us you and I have always been the most explosive. None of them has ever fought with each other the way we have. Remember Koh Phi Phi? And about Reuben? That was like the most magma-tic (I know that’s not a word but whichever) things that ever happened our group. And you and I also have (probably) felt the most love for each other. There were time were I swear to God I would have drowned without you. I wouldn’t have been able to breathe or eat or sleep or anything. You were my life line and you were always there for me.

I’m going to miss rolling my eyes at your stupidity. I’m going to miss kissing you on the cheek. I’m going to miss your over perfumed smell, your amazing clothing sense, your lack of better sense when it comes to money (aha! Don’t pretend its not true =P), your free will, your amazing display of affection for all your friends, your quirks, your insults, your praises (though few =P) your hugs, your beautiful hair and your ugly toes. I’m going to miss your stunning eyelashes, your generosity, your big ass, your big nipples, your gigantrous house, your white carpet where we always eat, your tendency to throw shit on the floor, the destruction you leave at your wake. I’m going to miss you so so so so so much its not even funny.

Oh babe I love you so so much. My gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, talented, intelligent, energetic best friend. Don’t ever forget yourself and what you stand for. Don’t forget your love for your friends and your family. Don’t forget that you’re amazing and no one else in the world has the right to tell you that you aren’t. Tell Stef that if he hurts you I will actually castrate him and tell the Shariah Court and get his balls cut off. Tell those bitches in England that they don’t come CLOSE to even deserve breathing the same air as you because you Kyra Arianna Hishammuddin, are one of a kind, unique and fucking crazily awesome.

Good luck in London, study hard. Beat your expectations in your a levels. Don’t stray too far away from home and always remember to keep yourself safe at all times. Even though I’m a million miles away know that I will always, always love you and that I will always, always be your best friend.

Hugs and kisses,
Yours forever,
Fung.

2010-05-29T14:03:00.000+08:00

I guess I'd rather hurt.

than feel nothing at all

2010-05-27T08:41:00.001+08:00

Am I going to be just sleeping with a broken heart?

a little sign.

2010-04-30T20:47:00.002+08:00

today was a good day.

karma came back for me =]

you see. as I was on my way home from school we got stuck at a traffic light.

we meaning Husaini and I =] (my absolutely amazing driver/office person/dispatch boy-that-works-for-my-parents'-company)

and then there was this boy in the school bus next to me

he was about what? 10? 11?

the cutest thing in the world.

imagine a mini Justin Bieber (I personally don't like the singer, but this boy was ADORABLE)

and he looks over, peeking over the window at me.

and I just so happen to be looking at my right.

and he ducks underneath the window.

me being me, still curious kept an eye out for the boy

and he pops back up again,

I look away

and so does he,

but I look back

and so does he.

Basically this goes on for a while until the light turned green.

the cheeky little thing grinned at me, flashing a peace sign as his bus drove off.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing and wave back.

such an angel.

and a cutie too.

it amazes me how one small little gesture from a total stranger

can up my day so much. =]

2010-04-26T20:23:00.002+08:00

it's been a while since I've done one of these but here goes. =]

To a friend,

I just read your blog and I feel bad because I should be talking to you and helping you out and etc. Do know I'm always here for you though =]

I know you love and care for her because, it's just who you are and your nature. You care. Which isn't really a bad thing except when it starts to affect your own happiness.

Because no matter what, you have to come first.

Yes, I know it is hard and it is quite hypocritical of me to say this but you will not be happy in a relationship with a person you don't like. It will not last and it will just become more dramatic and heart breaking at the end.

Think about it. If you start the ball-rolling, isn't it going to be more painful for her in the end? Do you think she would learn to love you less or more in time? And then what will happen?

Being the bad guy is never easy, but you're going to have to be once in a while because in the end it is what is the best for both of you. If she can't take a hint then you're going to have to show it to her. Trust me, she will appreciate you more for it, even if she doesn't know it.

It is against your very nature to hurt people because you're one of the kindest, softest, best people I know. You'll figure it out in time but don't block off the truth just because you're scared to hurt her.

because then it means you're the one being selfish.

love you lots.

surprisingly enough - Demi Lovato

2010-04-26T20:15:00.002+08:00

did you forget
that I was even alive
did you forget
everything we ever had
did you forget
about me?

did you regret
ever standing by my side
did you regret
ever holding my hand

somewhere we went wrong
we were once so strong

x

2010-04-19T22:10:00.003+08:00

such a strange time of our lives.
no?

"When you get a chance
to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance,"

I want you to stand next to the ocean
and realize how insignificant you are.

hearts Lee Ann Womack

2010-04-18T23:24:00.003+08:00

I recognized your number

It's burned into my brain

Felt my heart beating faster

Every time it rang

Some things never change

That's why I didn't answer

I bet you're in a bar

Listening to a country song

Glass of Johnny Walker red

With no one to take you home

They're probably closing down

Saying, "No more alcohol"

I bet you're in a bar

'Cause I'm always your last call

I don't need to check that message

I know what it says

"Baby, I still love you"

Don't mean nothing when there's whiskey on your breath

That's the only love I get

So if you're calling

I bet you're in a bar

Listening to a cheatin' song

Glass of Johnny Walker red

With no one to take you home

They're probably closing down

Saying, "No more alcohol"

I bet you're in bar

'Cause I'm always your last

Call me crazy but

I think maybe

We've had our last call

I bet you're in a bar

It's always the same old song

That Johnny Walker red

By now it's almost gone

But baby, I won't be there

To catch you when you fall

I bet you're in bar

'Cause I'm always your last call

Pride.

2010-04-05T00:08:00.002+08:00

The downfall of all men, women and children alike.

Armed to the teeth, it can be our most valuable weapon, and the key to our downfall.

A true paradox.

It is the reason we achieve our greatest victories, our greatest achievements. Without pride, we would all fall prey to insecurities and small-minded thinking.
On the other hand, pride is the reason the greatest would fall; why the best can crumble. Fickle as it is, it may be our best chance to survival and the reason we die.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?
Arrogance? or Nobility?

x

2010-03-21T12:04:00.001+08:00

but I still believe in destiny.
but I still believe in true love.
as the fairy tale ends
the red spined book closes,
I still believe...

I still believe...

I still believe...

Kina Grannis

2010-03-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

2010-03-19T00:39:00.001+08:00

don't get up

I can deal with this on my own

I forget what it is like

to feel like nothing matters but love.

I forget what it feel like

to have someone I can always rely on.

The problem is,

I forget.

am I expecting too much?

or am I settling for too little?

I need to get off my ass and do something about my life.

I hate feeling depressed.

I think I'll write a poem.

2010-03-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

am I to blame for this?

Dirty dirrrrrrrty.

2010-03-03T18:51:00.002+08:00

Jokes of the Day

why does a man ask a woman for her hand in marriage?

- because he was tired of using his own.

what are the three things the sun and a woman's lingerie have in common?

- both are hot, both look better when they're going down and they both disappear at night.

what do men and rats have in common?

- they are always looking for new holes.

what do videos and men have in common?

- they both go backwards... forwards... backwards... forwards... backwards... forwards... stop... eject.

what is similar to a women's period?

- your salary. it comes once a month, last for 5-7 days and when it doesn't come, you know you're in big trouble.

what is the different between biology and sociology?

- if the baby looks like the husband, it's biology... if the baby looks like the neighbour, it's sociology.

-----------

kudos to Arianna =P

2010-02-28T00:30:00.002+08:00

I close my eyes

and I don't know what I see

It's all black

with green, blue and purple dots

hug me tighter

I need to feel you

did I ever tell you how good you feel underneath those clothes?

I need

I need to feel the bass like my heartbeat

need to move like I've never moved before

need to whine. grind. touch. taste

falling into you.

only because you have lips like morphine. x

2010-02-18T01:33:00.000+08:00

maybe a few carnations.

2010-02-18T01:26:00.006+08:00

I need you to know

that somedays I'm still fighting to walk towards the light

I need you to know

that sometimes I just need a little courage

I need you to know

that...

I told another lie today.

I guised another grimace;

hid another thought.

Going through the night.

All I need is a little sweet scent to tell me we're okay.

A small sign of devotion that would say a million words.

A picture frame

that freezes each second.

Listen to what I say. There's a clue in every word.

In everything I say.

Help me understand.

just a little courage.

2010-02-18T01:20:00.002+08:00

if there is one thing I like about emo songs... is that it draws something out of a person.

Courage by Superchick.

It's so sad. It tells of a tale. Of a girl who suffers through an eating disorder.

Maybe it's anorexia or bolemia. Either way, or anything else. It's so terribly sad.

I am glad that I embrace food.

2010-02-18T01:06:00.001+08:00

Sometimes all you can do is

hide in shame

2010-02-15T22:07:00.003+08:00

This is a story of a small town girl

Who fell in love with a back street boy

It was the fifth grade

when he handed me a flower and a note

saying 'I love you'

I knew he meant it.

Sixth grade

he held my hand

as we caught fireflies

underneath the starlit night.

In our final year,

he kissed my cheek

with his shining eyes

"Follow me to the end of the earth"

It was his freshman year

when we got drunk and fell in bed

In the land of hopes and dreams

- The United States of America.

Three years later,

after the Yankees game

he got on one knee with a diamond ring in his hand

"Marry me."

And then blissful bundle of joy entered out lives

Our very first baby girl

Eyes holding the same twinkle her father's did

It was love at first sight.

As time went on, things got hard.

I stayed at home, cleaning the kitchen

While he went to climb the corporate ladder

step by step, he grew distant.

I knew how to cook

I knew how to clean

I knew how to garden

I knew how to farm.

Life became empty as the weights grew heavier

Little Amelia got scared often

Our arguments became fights.

Fights became explosions.

Tears blinding my eyes

I left him.

Watched him fell in love again.

With another woman.

He gave her a rose and a note

saying "I love you"

and I knew he meant it.

-------

a story I heard today.

It tore my heart out.

Isn't my best work. But I mean it.

credits for photoshop picture goes to Maria Jarrah Liezel Parayno Lim

2010-02-11T00:12:00.002+08:00

The shadows of the moon smothers the earth

as the wild flowers cry their nightly dews;

From different origins yet twined from birth

the stars were to align but missed their cues-

Of distant laughter, a collage of hope,

of loyal thoughts, a crescendo of love.

A gentle melody says "do not mope,

for it is surely pure, the flight of doves"

Ghastly smoke disappears in the distance,

handprint on the windows fading away-

views changes into something of semblance,

masking intentions of this cabaret.

The morning dew gathers upon her cheeks.

Whistle blows; rabbits hide, suddenly meek.

2010-02-08T01:24:00.002+08:00

okay, somehow, for some unexplainable reason, I'm procrastinating on sleeping

and this is me! I LOVE sleeping

I wonder what is up.

I keep listening to Bust Your Windows

and I realized

I am actually quite a relatively controlled female.

LOL.

compared to the crazies out there of course. =]

i miss everyone

I miss you of course

but everyone else as well

I feel like there's not enough time in the next few months

to share the love I feel for everyone

and to prove it as well

SIGH

why do you guys have to leave?

why do you have to leave me hereee in malaysia??

I wish I could go with you lot

pack into your suitcase or something.

nice thoughts hmm?

2010-02-08T01:18:00.001+08:00

and my mommy and daddy says I can invite you to Ikea shopping next week.

LOL.

quoting my beloved father:

"You should invite him. So that I can get to know him better."

all with a smile on his face.

TEEHEE.

no disappointing them now okay baby? Say yes and come along. I think it would be fun. =P

Here's to hoping

MISS YOU

true colours

2010-02-08T01:14:00.002+08:00

it's almost 2am. I have to be up in about 4 hours. I am going to DIE or exhaustion tomorrow.

But somehow I'm still here, typing, instead of sleeping.

A few minutes ago, while I was english coursework-ing. I was dying of tiredness. Funny how our brain works doesn't it?

I'm excited. I cannot wait.

I miss you so much.

Only a few more hours, less than a day

And I'll get to see your face again.

I miss you

your lips

your eyes

your face

your extremely warm hands

your extremely warm comfortable hands

your extremely warm, comfortable, ultra sexy hands.

you do know that I have something for your hands right? their just so...

sexy.

I have the weirdest fetishes in the world.

thank god it's only for you

so that I'll know that it doesn't matter to you.

hehe

now i regret putting your shirt in the wash. What I really need right now is your scent.

or you

either or is fine

prefer you though.

okay, I'm gonna stop rambling. Gonna stop killing time.

Need to sleep.

Know you'll only read this when you get home tomorrow. So...

I had a great day with you today

In your car

Just being with you

I'm psychic didn't you know?

xxxxxxxxx

lovesssssssssssssssss

Beauty in the Breakdown.

2010-01-24T22:16:00.000+08:00

Come on, take a step towards me

So you can figure me out

I've been hoping and praying for a single way

To show you what I'm all about

And I know, and I know this is the only way of pleasing the crowds

But when this is over and done with and we walk away

There should be no doubts

So let's get a little closer now

Let's get a little closer now

You say, you say that we're all tied up

And wrapped around in useless, useless states of mind

But at the same time we're still young

We have the time to realize that we were wrong

Come on love run with me

Get the hell out of this town

So we can get a better feel for each other

I'll take you, back to, when you

Remembered how you used to

Just live your life a little for me

Take the time to let it go

Step away and watch me grow

You can stay if you want to

And I write to you and tell you how you've always been so special to me

You can stay if you want to, and I’ll try

To keep you close to me

white horse.

2010-01-24T22:10:00.001+08:00

I'm not a princess

This isn't a fairy tale...

but it's damn close to being one.

define paramour: a lover.

paramore

2010-01-24T22:06:00.002+08:00

I close my eyes

I still see you.

sing us a song

and we'll sing it back to you

we could sing our own

but what would it be without you...?

one can only wonder what could happen

when the world drifts

what would happen in the future?

what would be written in the stones?

will it be etched across our hearts

dragged along like scars that never heal

will it be imprinted into our memories?

this heart

it beats

beats for only you.

I want to be good at something.

If nothing else,

I want to be good for you.

my heart.

2010-01-14T17:08:00.000+08:00

You know. I actually quite like this picture. =P

x o x o

ELLE OH ELLE

2010-01-12T21:44:00.001+08:00

Fung

9:42 PM

I KNOW

Sean.

9:42 PM

OMGGGGG

Fung

9:42 PM

WHAT DA FUCK

Sean.

9:43 PM

BABYYY

Fung

9:43 PM

i mean

Sean.

9:43 PM

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Fung

9:43 PM

whoops

9:43 PM

shit

Sean.

9:43 PM

hehe

9:43 PM

lunch time

9:43 PM

Fung

9:43 PM

Sean.

9:43 PM

on me

9:43 PM

Fung

9:43 PM

anyway

9:43 PM

i never agreed

9:43 PM

MOVING ON

9:43 PM

ZOMG

9:43 PM

I CANT BELIEVE IT

Sean.

9:43 PM

BABYY

Fung

9:43 PM

NOOOO

9:43 PM

NOOO

Sean.

9:43 PM

ZOMGGGGGGGGG

Fung

9:43 PM

and its coming out in september

9:43 PM

SIGHHH

Sean.

9:43 PM

BABY!!!

Fung

9:43 PM

ZOMGGG

9:43 PM

NOOOO

Sean.

9:43 PM

BABYY!!!!

9:43 PM

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Fung

9:43 PM

yes?

9:43 PM

HAHAHAHA

Sean.

9:43 PM

hehe

Fung

9:43 PM

you know. we sound like total 'tards

2010-01-12T00:21:00.001+08:00

Your scent lingers on me
It'll all be too empty without you.

I love your shirt.
It just smells so good.

sweet dreams my love

2010-01-04T23:56:00.003+08:00

I don't seem to ever be able to forget

this. that. everything.

I'm sorry.

It's just so terribly unfair to you

I can't blame everything on the same person anymore

I can't put everything that is wrong about me onto one thing

I can't say its not my fault

because no matter how I try to deny it. It is.

It's difficult to understand. Tough to realize.

where do we go from here?

2010-01-04T23:53:00.001+08:00

feeling lonely?

me too.

2010-01-02T19:32:00.001+08:00

just when you think things cant get any worse

it slaps you in the face

Happy New Year everybody and Happy 2010.

pretty bad way to start of the year, but it's okay

at least it can only get better.

right?

show and tell

2009-12-31T00:44:00.007+08:00

sometimes I'm afraid I won't get to say 'Ineedyou'

until you're gone.

sometimes I'm afraid I don't get to say 'Icantlivewithoutyou'

until I have to.

sometimes I'm afraid I don't get to say 'iloveyou'

until it's too late.

patience.

waiting.

loving.

holding.

just give me some time and I promise I'll be the best you'll ever have

everything I need

it's right in front of my eyes

right in front of me.

you are.

I want you

I miss you

I need you

I have you

you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

I don't wanna make that mistake.

I don't wanna have to live with it

so help me God

tell me

show me what I can't live without.

xxx

thoughts

2009-12-25T02:39:00.002+08:00

post 250:

and there you go. another year. another christmas. 6 more days till 2010. we have reached double digits. god I feel old.

and I'm only fifteen.

'maybe our girlfriends are really our soulmate and boys are just there for fun.'

maybe.

already year 11. already on my final term of secondary life.

already ready to start on a new journey, new course.

it's so scary, yet exciting at the same time.

AS subjects:

Math

Drama

Econs

Psychology

A level subjects:

Math

Psychology

Drama

Physics - maybe? or Biology. Or maybe I'll just stick with econs anyway.

need to talk to shriya's sister. remind yourself. talk to shriya's sister.

well, I have to be up in less then 7 hours and my brother is already hogging the bed. so goodnight.

sweet dreams.

dont let the bed bugs bite.

just a bit of useless information.

you know sleep tight?

it is derived from the old days, when they used to stop sleep walkers by tying them tightly to the bed. and thus, 'sleep tight'

scary innit?

reminds me of the ring around the roses thing.

black plague

*shudder*

not something one wants to remind oneself at 3 in the morning just as you're heading to bed. lol

at least my brother is here to protect me.

how useless is that.

xxx

samx

2009-12-25T01:56:00.001+08:00

'when you're fifteen

and somebody tells you they love you

you're gonna believe them'

I don't feel quite fifteen anymore.

merry christmas and a happy new year

fever-ridden

2009-12-24T01:46:00.001+08:00

tell me your secrets.

and lets go back to the start.

I never knew it was such a crime.

left, right, up, down

turning in circles round and round.

where are the answers to my questions?

all the boys and the girls

2009-12-13T22:46:00.002+08:00

Prom '09
Moonlight Rendezvous

It was the life. No exaggerations.
Firstly, getting ready. The ultimate glory for each and every female going to prom. I was happy with how I look, albeit not AHMAZING *like several other people* but I was content. =]
Make up, hair, nice (cheap, mind you) dress, everything was amazing.
Prom itself, arriving [fashionably] late so we missed out Mr.Mah's boring speech (hooray for us) and got down to the dirty.
The food was pretty good. Entertainment was top notched and aside from a little bump here and there, it was a good night.
The music, lights, dancing. oh god don't get me started. So many hot, sweaty bodies in one place with the bass pumping so loud you could feel it within your chest like your very own heart beat. It was the best. Bianca is probably the best person to dance with. There's no one else I'd wanna get hot and dirty with more. =P Except maybe, you know. *wink*
After prom - Leka leka, shisha, drinks, staying up till 3am just talking. Oh it was so fun, and so enjoyable. although CERTAIN people were damn shit annoying when they were drunk, it was still fun and I love them anyway.

Day after, breakfast in bed, good food as well, followed by a tanning session by the pool. After that, lunch at delicious and movie with my sweetheart. Henry's party, dancing again (which was slightly retarded BTW, but kind of fun in the quirky retarded way). Drinks again, and home for a night of blissful endless sleep. =D

what more can a singular person ask for?

so snapshots of memories were taken, even the bubble bath bit. =P It was a wonderful time, an amazing end to the year, and amazing end to everything.

what a life. =]
I'm just so privileged to have.

2009-12-10T23:34:00.001+08:00

I am thinking of taking drama for A-Level...

Assuming I'm staying of course.

Hmmm...

2009-12-10T23:29:00.001+08:00

prom is tomorrow.

again.

Usually, I'd be hyped up and really excited. especially going through the whole process of making up and all that what not.

But seriously, I've been 'getting ready' so often it's not even funny. The fashion show, taylor's prom, and the three performances. It's getting a little... boring.

Alas, tomorrow is a new day.

and, it'll be done professionally. So maybe it'll feel different. =]

all the boys and the girls they got it going on.

pixie lott.

xxx

-who else?

whether a whore or not.

2009-12-09T22:02:00.002+08:00

IT IS OVER!

WOOT.

I still can't really tell if I'm sad or happy, it's a funny mix.

Such an amazing, rewarding, excruciating (for the umpteenth time) experience ever.

Oh oh. =]

I heart performing.

and you bid and you take and you get

2009-12-09T16:17:00.002+08:00

'If you know what you want and you want what you can,

then you take it.'

But what if I don't know what I want?

Funny really, how simple things can muddle one's mind so easily. It's almost like reading a book, when you cannot even comprehend what the protagonist is feeling, funny when you're actually playing the part, yet you still have no idea where you stand.

It's the final night. I'm kind of glad, yet sad at the same time. I don't know, nor do I want to jinx it, but I think the performance have been splendid and going very well. Especially with such a limited cast and limited time, I think we've coped. =]

and I'm really happy I do not need to slave away at the rehearsals anymore. Thank God for that. And yet, as all things go, it's kind of melancholy for it to end so soon. All the hard work, and now it's over. I don't know if I feel relief or nervousness really.

To tell the truth, I kind of feel numb. Stage fright. =P

Can't wait!

"It's not hard acting as a whore."

xxx

-FeeFyFoFoo

2009-11-27T23:04:00.003+08:00

dance.
dance.
dance.
dance.
dance.

no words can explain my love for it.
no phrases are extensive, wild, large, passionate enough to describe how much it means to me.

nothing. nada. zit. nil.

it's one thing in my life that I'm certain of.
the one absolute thing.

xx

dance isnt just a form...
it's a way of life

Into the Woods

2009-11-24T20:15:00.002+08:00

Well... It's coming along pretty alright. The cast is TINY this year but we're going to have to make do with what we have. It does make organization much easier on the teachers on that.

Two more weeks to the show and tension's running high. A few tears here, a few shouts there. I'm hoping it will get better because things don't feel really good right now.

At least we're getting there. =]

AANYWAY. Main purpose of this post. To learn my lines. LOL!

Act 1 Scene 1

You wish to go the the festival.

You Cinderella the festival,

you wish to go the festival,

the festival,

the King's Festival?

The festival!

People would laugh at you.

She still wants to go to the festival

and dance before the prince!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHA (yes retarded, I know. =P)

I have emptied a pot of lentils into the ashes for you,

if you are able to pick them out in two hours time,

you may come to the ball with us.

Into the woods and down the dell

the path is straight I know it well

Into the woods and who can tell

what's waiting on the journey

Into the woods to bring some bread

to granny who is sick in bed

Never can tell what lies ahead

for all that I know,

she's already dead.

But into the woods,

into the woods,

into the woods to grandmother's house

and home before dark.

Ladies, our carriage awaits.

The festival!

Darling those clothes,

darling those nails,

lentils' are one thing but darling with those,

you'd make us the fools of the festival and mortify the prince!

We must be gone.

Into the woods without regret,

the choice is made,

the task is set.

Into the woods

and not forgetting

why we're on the journey

Into the woods to get my wish,

I don't care how

the time is now.

The way is clear

The light is good

I have no fear nor no one should

The woods are just trees

The trees are just woods

There's nothing to be afraid there--

Into the woods without delay

but careful not to lose the way

Into the woods who knows what may

be lurking on the journey?

Into the woods to get the things

that makes it worth the journeying.

Into the woods to see the King!

To see

To sell

To get

To bring

To make

To lift

To go to the festival!

Into the woods,

Into the woods then out of the woods,

and home before dark!

--------

Act 1 Scene 2

Or open your mouth.

One midnight gone.

--------

Act 1 Scene 3

Only just when you've made a friend and all

and you know she's big but you don't feel small

someone bigger than her comes along the hall

to swallow you for lunch.

And your heart is lead

and your stomach's stone

and you're really scared

being all alone.

It is then that you miss all the things you've known

and the world you've left

and the little you own.

The fun, is done.

You steal what you can and run,

and you scramble down and you look below

at the world you left and the things you know

The roof, the house and your mother at the door.

The rood, the house and the world you never thought to explore.

And you think of all of things you've seen

and you wish that you could live in between

and you're back again

only different than before...

After the sky...

Where is he?

Over there.

You can never love somebody else's child, the way you love, your own.

Two midnights gone.

--------

Act 1 Scene 4

--------

Act 1 Scene 5

Darling I know,

It'll have to go.

AAAND I cannot remember the rest. frick. I gotta go get a script.

Anorexic Prom Queens

2009-11-21T22:48:00.002+08:00

I am secretly very excited for prom.

hehehe.

I think it's a girl thing. Or cuz I'd get to spend an ENTIRE night with *ahem*

=D =D =D

I am happy.

AND

I think my tweezers have magical powers.

because my eyebrows apparently, have made me alot prettier.

HAHAHAHA

either that or his eyes are retarded

I'd go for the latter.

watch this video:

it made me laugh so hard my tummy hurt-ed. =D

enjoyyy

two is better than one.

2009-11-13T18:53:00.002+08:00

you make it hard for breathing.

and here I'm lying

with my face in my pillow

just thinking about you

with my music playing in the background

how did we come to this place?

just living, loving the way that we do

I used to believe in forevers

until one boy tore me into half

but with you,

it's like you're using tape, glue, nails and all sorts of things

to piece me together once again.

maybe, forever will come along once again.

you're cooler than the flipside of my pillow

2009-11-11T20:07:00.002+08:00

the world could be in tumbles,

going in squares,

spinning off its axis,

falling off orbit,

and doing a dance with pluto

I could be red with anger,

dying from embarrassment,

trembling with fear,

overridden by guilt,

and sighing because of exhaustion

But note that,

a kiss from you

is just what I need

so that the world is right once again.

you. you. and maybe, possibly, hopefully, only you.

2009-11-07T22:42:00.003+08:00

you're the sky to my world

you're the sand to my ocean

you're the paint to my art work

you're the breath to my life

you're the ring to my golem

you're the heels to my dance

you're the polish to my nails

you're the lace to my-

I didn't think

didn't know

that I was able to feel this way again.

I didn't think

didn't know

that I could stand up and brush it all off

thank you

for showing me

how colorful the world is

once again

you're the beat

to my melody.

Finger Fetish.

2009-10-22T22:08:00.003+08:00

I love the way you make my toes curl

with your lips on my ear.

Would it be weird to say:

"I love just how you're a perfect size. Because we fit."

Not in that way love. =P get your mind out of the gutter.

Hehe

I love how you make me feel like I'm the only one you'd ever see.

How there's no one more important.

We're walking aimlessly through the mall

Snuggling in your one-seater car

Playing underneath those rainbow coloured covers

Drinking from your obscenely pictured cup.

Thinking about you makes me laugh

Makes me smile

Makes me wanna huggle you.

Doi.

hehe.

George Carlin

2009-10-14T19:15:00.000+08:00

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

I blame Itunes.

2009-10-12T21:29:00.002+08:00

stop bothering me first. and then maybe I will. =P

I'm skipping English Literature for this. God knows why. I just am too upper bored.

I can think of the past. I can cry.

I can think of what has happened and what has passed and what went on

and I can break down like there's no tomorrow.

I remember not too long ago

When we'd all be emo

and cut cut cut

it was actually quite funny now that I think about it.

Pathetic and funny at the same time.

I'm waking up to a New Day-

did you know that most of my inspiration comes from music?

from art as well. and of course what I see around me.

What I feel, what I go through.

I'm just rambling and babbling. So ignore it if you may.

Doesn't life just confuse you?

It tosses you up and down and left and right

and then it leaves you hanging off that cliff

it tears you apart

break you down into pieces one by one

and then you're suppose to just glue yourself back together with what ever tape you find?

Maybe there's an answer to this never ending question?

Maybe somewhere in the abyss, there is a solution?

Would walking the earth cause more problems? or would we come across what we've been looking for.

You tell me if I'm making any sense. But it just sounds right to me.

I'm holding on.

My hands are tied, behind my back

Remember what I said before? There's a ticking bomb placed on my back, in such a position that I can never turn to look at it.

How ironic everything can be

Adventures, life, love, hatred, rivalries, crushes, heartbreaks.

"I always thought... Since the heart is such a large part of a person. That it breaking would be a like a plate crashing onto the floor. Shattering into a million pieces. I never expected to be so silent, to be so deadly."

and I'm listening to emo songs. haha. forgive me if what I'm writing makes no sense. Or makes you sad. It just so happen to be one of those days.

------

I miss you.

-------

so what else is there to say?

I'm afraid.

I'm so so afraid.

there are somethings that we dont know. dont figure out until we sit down, think, and listen to ourselves.

fear

anxiety

apprehension

terror

trepidation

anticipation.

I'll close my eyes

and go to sleep

Hoping that you'd be there when I wake up

My hand searches for yours

even when you're miles away.

I miss you.

JMrazzz

2009-10-11T12:08:00.003+08:00

imagine you're my pole

and I'm dancing in nothing but my shoes.

- Jazon Mraz

of course, I'm switching it around. =P

I love Jason Mraz.

But I love playing a hell lot more.

two in one

2009-10-11T12:01:00.002+08:00

I would roll my eyes

I would shake my head

I would snort in annoyance

but it wouldn't make a difference now would it?

It's funny how when you think about it

how people can change to so quickly, so easily.

pathetic or artistic?

beats me.

----

you are the antidote that gets me by

a drug that I'm addicted to.

I'm counting down the hours

Until I get to see you again.

2009-10-09T22:54:00.001+08:00

a foreign object growing within your chest...

what is this?

=]

2009-10-07T22:03:00.002+08:00

and do it and do it and do it agaain.

I have that BEP's song stuck in my head. again.

I'm on Skype. =] With you.

and I know you're gonna be reading this. =D

you make me shmile.

in the middle of physics

or econs

when my teacher just drones on and on and on like you would not believe.

and im trying my best not to fall asleep.

like now.

and you yawning isn't helping.

hehe.

right, I'm gonna go back to concentrating on you now.

man, I think, I'm turning out to be have as much as a life as you do.

none.

hush hush

2009-10-04T00:00:00.002+08:00

what happened to it being a sanctity? a sanctuary?

what happened to it being a haven? a place to rest my head.

stop my heart from beating

I cant feel my limbs

it hurts with every breathe

yet I've never been more sure.

its like I can close my eyes

and take a walk across the sky

do I push?

or do I stay.

quiet contemplation

2009-09-27T23:02:00.003+08:00

"violence breeds hatred and hatred breeds violence.

hatred can only be defeated by love and peace."

Had Hitler been defeated by love and peace? Six million Jews had quietly died before Jewish people earned the right to live on this earth. Had six million Africans to die in southern Africa before black men earned a dignity too?

- Makhaya, When Rain Clouds Gather by Bessie Head.

2009-09-27T22:20:00.002+08:00

so I'm ill today

my head is spinning,

I've got to sit down-

sometimes you look around, look back, look to the future and you wonder. you really really wonder.

what the hell?

haha. because honestly. barely a week ago I would not have thought I'd be standing (or sitting) at the position I currently am at.

Hell, a month ago I would've laughed.

a year ago I would've smacked myself silly.

do I wish that I had a time machine? something that could bring me back to the past to correct all the mistakes that I have ever made?

who doesn't.

but. I've got to keep reminding myself

I am who am I am today because of the things that have occurred.

Am I proud of who I am today?

maybe. =P

Butterly by Jason Mraz

imagine you're dancing with me

I'm your pole and all you're wearing is your shoes.

goddamn. I love this song.

its a good day. even though I'm sick as hell.

Let's hope I get well soon. Else Ms.Sime would kill me.

loves.

2009-09-23T21:13:00.000+08:00

how many times do you have to tell yourself love.

"you're just setting yourself up for a heartbreak"

2009-09-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

"You fucking idiot."

"Actually, no. I'm a fucking genius. Or was it a genius at fucking?" *shrug* "I'm sure the ladies would agree with both."

LOL.

I think I just died and came back to life, laughing.

2009-09-22T18:13:00.003+08:00

truly madly deeply do.

staring out of the window it doesn't take much for one to wonder.

Poetry Anthology 1.

2009-09-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

Crawling out of bed each morning
The circles of hawks never leaving your head
Had trouble sleeping
With her sitting on your chest.

Drag yourself through the wreckage of your mind
Hurling debris against the white washed walls
Crimson stained glass
And tears stained skin

Her, always her
On your mind, in your heart, never fading
Reminiscing on the green green grass
Your shelter from the ominous storm

Gone, you realize
As your shirt soaks with memories
As your skin is drenched with pain
What can you remember of those blue eyes?

Black and white images of laughter and lies and tears and love
She’s jumping through your head
Twisting the wires that held sanity together
Anxious breathing.

She mouth her words
Luscious pink imbedded in the corners of your mind
As soon as it came it disappeared
Never letting it touch the stone you call a heart.

Crawling out of bed each morning
The circles of hawks never leaving your head
Had trouble sleeping
With her sitting on your chest.

Sex and the City

2009-09-20T21:21:00.002+08:00

"I can't colour enough.

I would colour all day, everyday if I had my way

I would use every crayon in my box."

"When Big colours, he hardly ever stay inside the lines"

HAHA. I love it.

ps. to those that do not know, in this scene, they were talking about sex in front of a little girl, so they decided to use 'colouring' instead.

2009-09-19T10:37:00.001+08:00

I'm at bianca's at the moment. Just slept over.

I've slept a total of 9 hours, funnily enough, I'm still so tired.

yawwn.

The Girl Who Silenced the World for 5 minutes

2009-09-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

http://media.causes.com/510213

Dreamgirl

2009-09-16T19:28:00.001+08:00

Listen

I am alone at the crossroads

I'm not at home in my own

Now I've done believing you

You don't know what I'm feeling,

I'm more than what you've made of me.

I just got to find my own.

2009-09-15T21:18:00.001+08:00

I love the way your nails rake across my skin

may the road rise, to meet you.

2009-09-13T23:26:00.002+08:00

you know what I find funny?

after everything that has passed I've yet to say a single thing I didn't regret.

and then, I just live with that mistake, pushing past it.

its not to say I'm bitter about it.

I'm just amused.

Highly amused.

You know what? I think I sound like Redzuan as days go by.

I don't know it that's a good thing or not.

its late.

and i'm tired.

and I have school tomorrow.

weird thing is.

I really cant be bothered to go and sleep.

sigh.

nothing exciting tmr as far as I can tell.

I've got to stop moping. maybe dump myself back into the game for two.

(or three or four, depends how you look at it)

but its just a little too much work at the moment.

I'll live and let live. and see where the rivers takes me.

that reminds me.

riversong.

such an amazing song. sigh.

I do miss choir. I kinda miss Ms.Krensa (Krenca? Krencha? No idea how to spell it) too.

whooptidoo.

3,000+ words today and one criticism.

Maybe it isn't as great as I though it would be.

lol.

buut anyway. Im going to stop stalling.

sweet dreams lovelies.

signin off.

all good things come to an end.

2009-09-13T23:21:00.004+08:00

you know, we all learn about metamorphosis the same way, through the same species.

we all learn the valuable lesson of how the ugly caterpillar always turns into the beautiful butterfly.

It's funny really, what we don't learn after that.

2 to 4 days. That is the average life span of a butterfly.

So it goes through life, 'suffering' as one would say, being an ugly green worm.

It then turns into a pretty much useless cocoon.

after finally reaching it's goal in life, it dies.

just like that.

I find it quite sad and depressing all the same.

the poor butterfly.

badum badim

2009-09-09T18:02:00.002+08:00

I saw a tree trunk today. I swear, it was a horse.

Lol

I guess my sanity is slipping everyday.

So I'm playing the part of the evil stepmother.

One asian parents with four white kids.

Am I the only one who finds the humour in this?

Dance exam is coming up in less than a month. I have not paid, I have not even learnt that other 6 dances yet. Talk about unprepared. I have a feeling I'm gonna fail this. =P Ah well. Who cares?

Mufti performance and the anniversary one is coming up too. absolutely L-O-V-E the routine. hehehe. sexy saucy and skilled I tell you. I honestly cannot wait to perform it. Really, I can't. =]

Trying to think of other important dates...

PROM. =D

haha. Cannot be bothered to spend too much money. So I'm using an old dress and a pair of shoes I already have but have not worn before. =] Perfect match too.

Funny, prom theme's not even up yet and I already got the dress.

Talk about well prepared. =P

And then there is Grad Ball...

But hot dayumn I'm sure as hell GOING to be in the grad ball committee. OFFICIALLY.

instead of this doing the work not getting credit thing.

not that I mind. I like being kept busy. =]

hmm.

Rehearsals start next tuesday. =] I cannot wait for that too

You know. there's so much happening right now. Prefect stuff, prom stuff, hari raya stuff. I think I like this feeling. I like being busy. I like doing things.

HAHA

now that's a joke.

maybe there's hope for dear old me after all.

Cindy's back this friday. Going to hang out with her and a whole bunch of people.

Cannot wait for that either. =D

xxx

forgetting...

2009-09-07T19:19:00.003+08:00

you know what?

I'm tired of this.

All these misconceptions and illusions.

it's all you tonight

the console, the cards, are all in your hands

you tell me what are you going to play

because I'm sick of being the dealer.

it's all you tonight

I'm forgetting about your haunting eyes

No longer reminiscing upon those luscious lips

Erasing the poignant images imprinted in my brain

I will forget falling into your arms,

I will forget being caught by an angel

I will forget the warmth I know you give out

I will forget

you

five senses

2009-09-05T22:19:00.001+08:00

I think about it over and over again

the more I think, the more I know

That you're just not right

to be my man

oh baby you know its true

I want him to be caring, understanding

but boy you're just condescending

I want him to see me for who I really am.

ohhh baby, baby

I'll put a blindfold over my heart

Blocking out images of your silhouette

Put on a mask over my face

cuz you know you just drive me crazy

baby

around you sometimes I wish I were blind

deaf, dumb and senseless too

you don't know how much I wish I could

just forget it all and live right there

in your arms

whoaaah

baby, you know it's true.

talk about random

2009-09-02T19:12:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I had an unexplainable urge to blog. So this is what I remembered of what I would've wrote down if I did:

Today, my biology teacher compared us to a chicken's butt. She then went on to give us a very graphic description of exactly how we remind her of a chicken's butt. In fact, she went into such detail that she said we were like baby chicken's assholes. That even after they die still open and closed (I do not know if this fact is true, I am merely just telling as I have heard). Mainly, she was just trying to tell us we were very chatty. Coming from the woman that gets turned on by Optimus Prime and enjoys talking about sex in some related way or form almost every lesson. I guess it ceased to surprise any of us.

I would've wrote more. except I cannot remember what I would've posted yesterday. So here is what I'm going to post today:

I like my new teachers. They're pretty awesome. Nice people too.

I did the auditions for 'Into the Woods' today. I think it went pretty well, but then again, I'm not a drama student nor teacher, so I would not know. Once again, sang the very much over-sang (from me at least. It's like the only song I know) 'Over the Rainbow'. I really wonder whether those happy little blue birds really are happy. Or even if the land that we heard of in lullabies really exist, or even a place where dreams that we dare to dream really do come trueee.

Okay honestly? I REALLY gotta find a new song. Not... that I probably can sing it. But still.

'I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT. NANANNANANA'

uhuh. I doubt that's any better.

Okay, maybe a tinsy winsy bit too hyper. Can't wait for dinner. I'm literally starving (or should I say figuratively. Funny how people use words nowadays isn't it? Yesterday, my english teacher spelt through as 'thru' I was so shocked and disappointed I didn't know what to say).

hungry aaand signing off.

exes and ohs.

heart