bemyheroine
I'm dancing in the room as I would in the woods with you | ||||||||
I'm waking up, and I see the world again.
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Sunday, November 30, 2008, 10:36 PM
Thank You.
the past two days was it? yeah... it was hard. it was crazy hard actually. and oh how much I've missed you. and now you're back! although two days probably wasn't very long. it felt like forever to me. it seemed to stretched out and never seemed to end. sleeping was ridiculous without talking to you and the day was so empty. and waking up... oh my. now i think about it... hell. i missed you so much. and i am just so thankful and so happy that you're here again. thank you for understanding. thank you for not leaving. thank you for being you. <3 Fung. , 6:08 PM
Romeo and Juliet.
Now you see. What is weird is that every time I think of a behind back relationship is sneaking out late, climbing over fences, having fun illegally, making out underneath the stars, feeling the warmth from his skin beneath his clothes. Now you see. My mom. Not that kinda of girl. And again, my mom is after all 55 years old. So she has the excuse of being superly old fashion. THEIR type of relationships are different. He was 2 years older then her. 19. They've never touched, never talked, never kissed, never hugged. He was part of a family that her parents hated and vice versa. Sounds familiar no? They were part of feuding families, from centuries ago they had always been rivals, back from when they were from China even. yup. THAT long ago. So she obviously couldn't tell her parents, and neither could he. So. They wrote letters. Amazing amount of letters I tell you. What was extremely sweet was that he even (he was a writer for the local newspaper) wrote a poem about her which got published in the newspaper. and then of course there was the break up. She dumped him and went overseas and so did he. They never talked again since then. Ironic ain't it? what a perfect ending to such a romance story. Hey, at least they're not both dead right? Mr.Shakespeare. xxx Friday, November 28, 2008, 8:37 PM
when you're trying to pretend.
Bold the statements that are true to you. Italicize the statements that you wish were true. Leave the fibs alone. Then, stab 5 people to do the same test. ------------------------------------------------------------- I’m 170cm tall. I don’t know what I want at the moment. I’m not happy. I hate my friends. I hate my life. I hate my grades. He drives. I’m bored of driving. I have a white handbag. I love dancing. I go clubbing every week. Shopping is bullshit. I have a tattoo of a star. I got my navel pierced. I have friends that take drugs. 90% of my friends smoke. I still hang out with my ex, even though our break up was rather nasty. I’m studying Fashion. I have a business running. I hate cartoons. I hate someone. I have 10 Guess handbags. I buy CLEO every month. My parents don’t know about my blog. I have an iPod. I don’t have faith in the current “one”. My school mates know about my blog. I wanted to be a fashion designer. I love rock emo bands. I hate it when people cancel last minute meet ups. I’m a rebel. I’m starting to like wearing dresses. I don’t believe in love. High school's filled with drama. My parents have faith in me. I’ve bought shoes this month. A blogger bitched about me before. I hate sports. I heart Italian food. I hate meeting new people. I hate nail polish. The mother bear gives me hugs. People should start appreciating me. High school was the worst time of my life. I have red hair. One Utama is my second home. I’m a guy. I’m scared of my Biology exam. I hate vacations. We’ll last. I believe in long distance relationships. I’m going to get high and smoke weed one day soon. I’ve robbed an old lady. I’m starting to like applying make-up. I was a tomboy. At times I think I still am a tomboy. I love bitching about people behind their backs. I still have a best friend. I have a cat. I hate surprise parties. I hate planning parties. I’m hot. I’m a sinner. I’ve got a DS light. I have a Wii. I can live without music. Video games are a waste of time. I miss the father bear. I love being in love. I know how to cook. I have 100% freedom. Boys are assholes. I hate Math. I love horror films. I’m happy with what I have. I slept in my parents’ room for 3 days after watching Scream when I was a kid. My old friends keep in touch with me. I don’t read newspapers. The news is such a waste of time. Blogging is a waste of time. I hate animals. I can’t live without make-up. I curse like a pirate. I’m happy with my 11 year old car. I hate people that are smart. I love Apple Juice. I can’t drink for nuts. I believe that everyone in their teens have lost their virginity. I’ve got a new phone. I’m going to get a new pair of shoes by the end of this month. I love swimming. I haven’t worked out since March. I think I’m fat. I love my friends and family. , 8:20 PM
The Next Ten Minutes
It's a very sweet song. Very nice. Oh my... Now it goes through my head. the songs you've sung to me... haha. now... these are the memories ill treasure forever. =] so thank you. for being with me these five weeks. has it even been five...? or was it just a month? but anyway... I can be bitter about it I can wallow in my own guilt and displeasure. and I dont know... if that's what you want me to do... but. I think. why be sad? when you can be happy? why not think of the times the sun was shining bright. instead of when you're blue? I'm not saying it is going to be easy. But... It'll get better. I know it will. I hope to god it will at least. and. I'm looking forward. to seeing you around. again. <3 , 6:43 PM
Colours
And I feel the obsessive need to use colour. Lots and lots of colour. Sometimes... Life feels like just a blur of black and white. But I don't want life to be like that. Not like that. Not so useless. Not so... meaningless. I want life with COLOURS. , 6:40 PM
Well... I'm laughing so hard I'm crying now. Ironic isn't it? LOL. I think... Sanity might just be escaping me. , 6:10 PM
what a wonderful world
But somehow... Somehow I knew from deep down that it would come to this... It was bound to. Because it always does. Me, in the mask and the make up. Playing the role of the criminal. And for this once... who am I kidding? forever. always. I feel like I belong to this part. Like I was MADE for this part. To play the evil, cynical, sadistic, masochistic, deceitful, pathetic, disgusting being. To be the devil of this two player game. To be the winner, that doesn't win anything. It was always bound to come to this. I'm sorry, but it's true. You knew it. I knew it. So why? Why did I do what I did? Why did I play along as though it was just a game? In all honestly... What the FUCK is wrong with me? Your words... What am I suppose to say..? How can I not make myself the enemy? What could I possibly say to make myself feel better? So that this overbearing weight wont topple and tumble over me. Drowning me Suffocating me. What can I say? That I'll be here for you? I always will be. That I'll keep my distance? I'd do anything for you. What can I do? What can I say? What is expected of me? Oh god. I just know you're going to read this. So what was the point of me writing it in the first place? To explain myself? To justify my actions? But you see... I dont have an excuse For this time, for once in my life. I've run dry. I cant find the cheat code, I cant find the button to key them in. four stars. HA! i wish. I just got your sms... Guilt-free? When will I ever be guilt free? Ever? If there's one thing you should know about me. Is that I remember every negative thing about myself. And leave them on the surface of my brain forever. You know that's true... Hell... Thinking about it. You know alot about me. It's pretty amazing really. If you see the short amount of time we've actually known each other... I wanna say sorry. But I know that it would be useless... Really... I dont know what to say... Except. This time, I hope I'm making the right decision... So where do we go from here? Midnight calls? Goodnight calls? Random meetings? 6am in the morning fuzzles? Where does it all go? where do we go from here? Haha you're right. Life. Is wonderful. Just Plain. Wonderful. < Fung 3 Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 10:16 PM
Stick up.
actually, no i have not. hahaha i saw a tree branch today. that looked like chicken feet. I shouldve taken a picture but we were in the car so i couldnt get out my phone fast enough. lets see... well I was going to write something like what aaron had. I got some inspiration from his blog ubt then I realized it probably is sorta like copy right. so I didn't. and I really cant be bothered to think at the moment thats why im just writing down whatever comes into my head. something i really, really shouldnt do seeing the fact at how much trouble I got myself into by doing just that. GASP. Mr.Mah told me someone complained about my behaviour problems. I swear. I DO NOT have behaviour problems. well I dont htink so at least. but COME ON. what kinda problems can I possibly have?? All the teachers love me. I think. or maybe I dont suck up enough. owh well... APPARENTLY, I dont look like the lazy type. HAH! proved that guy wrong. =P hahahaha. sorry chris. =D Mmmm... maybe I should jsut head to bed? Instead of wasting my time here? yup I shall do just that. Love yall. <3Fy , 5:12 PM
talk about lame
wat is there a to do? I'm sitting on my chair playing with my hair and I dont know wat to do. oh my oh my that's ONE pathetic attempt to create something. If you could see me. I'm rolling my eyes. sigh. where oh where has all the inspiration and creativity and godsend words gone? huh? they've all disappeared and im stuck. in a hole a whole hole then again, a hole cant be whole can it? unless its a whole hole... then it wont be a hole anymore.. hahahaha gosh. even my jokes are getting lamer. and lamer and lamer. i think i've been hanging round Seung too much. IM KIDDING. (if you ever read this. I don't mean that. =P ) okay, now im officially bored. and i have nothing to doooooo. ill go take a nap. gnite guys. for the moment. xoxo gossip girl. (I wish) <3 Fy. , 5:07 PM
I guess this goes for you, you and you. infact. you too. I guess I dont think like them although at times I do act like them. But there are times I just can't... I'm not like those girls you usually date. trust me. i know. haha. its different for me. its different for you. it'll hopefully remain different. because I wont ever wanna change. not for anyone. so I'm sorry. but thank you. =] <3 Tuesday, November 25, 2008, 6:38 PM
take the chance?
i end up with the exact same one I had before, aside from the small changed I made. It's the exact same thing. sigh. waste of my time. hahahaha oh my. yukiko asked me to perform. in 1u... on the 29th and 30th of november... meaning. THIS WEEKEND. and lets the the major problems. 1) they better not make me wear the costumes. 2) i highly doubt she'd let me. 3) i dont know what routine I'm doing. 4) holy crap so many people but oh my oh my. i sooo wanna do it. I mean, its a once in a lifetime chance yknow? and I never get to perform really cuz im such a noobay at dancing. but... you know. i love it. performing... sigh. to do or not to do... its a difficult decision. and i dont even know what im doing yet. bareghlehi. I miss dancing... siiigh. yeah. i should go clean my room now, or my mom'll chop my head off. as per usual. =] love yall, fee Sunday, November 23, 2008, 10:24 PM
but now I'm bigger better stronger. you hurled me to the ground bruised me abused me killed me. but now I'm brought back to life so run hide cower disappear because. revenge can be a bitch. <3fy , 8:04 PM
to be addressed:
I dont think so though. I think I'm pretty okay, pretty self confident. Or at least. At the moment. LOL. owh well. oh. it's dinner. =] <3Fy , 7:31 PM
Podium.
So let's see. have you ever thought of all the possibilities? all the different things that could happen. It'll be pretty damn amazing if life went the way I want it to... But hey, I'm not complaining really. I'm just... reminiscing, contemplating.... thinking. So I'm sorry for my endless rants. It's been a while. Don't think anything of it... It's just... thoughts. --------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever wondered what it would be like if there were us? If you didn't end up falling for her? Why? Why did you lie to me in the first place? Or are you just as fickle as you seem. I always thought that everyone had two different sides. That if you dig deep enough, if you scratch the surface off, you'll find it. Find it deep down inside, that there is someone different. I thought I found it. I thought I found you. But I was wrong wasn't I? You told me how you felt, you made me fall for you. And then, there you go, turning away the second there is someone else. What does that mean? What is it suppose to mean? You barely know her, all you see is a pretty face and there you go. I always believed that infront of others, you wear a mask, that infront of me, you could be you. Was it that easy? to forget all about me? Was it that easy, to move on with your life? I always believed that I could change you. That for me, you'd be a different person. A better person. And then again, now I know that I am wrong. and that I always have been and that I always will be. --------------------------------------------------------- Do you wonder? How things would be like if I never said those words I said? Would we still be happy? Would you not have moved on? Like I did? Have you ever spared a second thought on my impossible reasons, yet regret that you never got me to explain it to you? Have you ever thought of me. Of us? Maybe... That's how it's meant to be? Maybe, it shows me what I'm like and what I deserve? Because just maybe, I deserved better...? ---------------------------------------------------------- Do you regret? The way you treated me? Do you regret the things you did. The words you said. Do you regret? When the nights are long and the days are lonely, I do think of you. I think of you in her arms, but tell me. does she kiss the way I do? does it feel the same? does she care for you the way I did? does she give you that same amount of satisfaction? does it sound the same when you call her, when she's half asleep? does it send shivers up and down your spine? I guess at times I do regret. and then I realized... That you're just another chapter of my young life. You're a chapter opened and finished. Now closed. You're a chapter, a page that would always be there... But it's over. We're over... I'm not denying that I do not think of you, and what it could've been. but... I don't regret. Not really. --------------------------------------------------------- When you lie with her do you imagine it is me? When you hold her in your arms, do you feel that burning guilt inside of you, thinking of me? I jolly hope you do. I really really hope you do. Do you remember the words you said to me? Once upon a time, when the stars were shining bright and the night was singing. Do you remember those exact things you said to me? and what my response was? Have you ever wondered, what would've happened if I took that chance? That one leap. Would you still have her in your arms? or would that be me? I was foolish for thinking that even. I was so utterly foolish to think that you would ever see me for me. and not for someone to get rid of that pain and fear. To replace it with guilt and regret. I was so utterly foolish to think that... I could be her I was just so stupid. But then again, I had the will, I had the mind, I had the power. And thank god So maybe... I wasn't that stupid after all. Chances given, yet not taken. I wonder... Who is the winner here? --------------------------------------------------------- I guess this is all my fault. The way things are between us. If I didn't say what I said, if I didn't acted the way I did. I guess things wouldn't be this bad. But. You were part of it. You were part of the blame. If you hadn't said what you did. If you hadn't meant what you meant. Then maybe... Just maybe, things could've worked out? At the same time... I am happy it didn't. Because I just know, deep down I just knew. Knew AND know. that you were never meant for me. That we were never meant to be. So to blame you. Or to thank you. Either way, it's over. So... yeah. I guess that is it. --------------------------------------------------------- Countless of people rush through my head today, as I write each and every word that I had wrote. Or rather, typed. Each, a part of me, a chapter I know that I probably would never forget. But it means something. It tells me something. But what? It's like reading a book in a different language. What does it tell me? Where does this bring me? When... would I find out? I guess everyone has their little inhibitions and everyone has their little twists. I guess everyone has to go through every different kind of situation in life. I guess... so where does this lead me? Where do I stand? I stand right here. With my back straight and my head high. I stand right here. <3Fy -just a little ranting session. xoxo Monday, November 17, 2008, 5:47 PM
Uhuh... Sure
no. not funny. Just read my previous blog. You know the one with Bianca hohhh? i so totally forgot about that blog. =P hehe. wonder what happened to it... So yeah. anyway. updates. Well... First things first. Friday. It's Mufti! =P I really can't wait. Thinking of going as this cowgirl/hybrid sort of thing. haha. if I can find the right things to wear of course. "Cirque du Jardin". We always have fun during muftiday. I hope that this year wouldnt be different. and then after that apparently im heading over to Kim's with Pauline and Jar to chill till Lozz's thing. that is IF I can go... I have not even asked yet. lol. ah shizzle. I think I might... just MIGHT have lost the invite... I honestly cant wait till prom. prom prom prom. =D "Golden Years of Hollywood". I cant say much for the theme but I want Prom to be fun this year. Not that it wasn't LAST year. but I know better now. especially on hair styles. urgh last years was bad. lol. I LOVE that dress dammit. sigh. <3 so yeah anyway prom. I tell you the weirdest, okay maybe not weird but the strangest couples are going this year. Not strange... But.. least expected yknow? such as: Alief and Nickl. How he got her I have no idea. =P =P Jarrah and Ian. Dont even go there. hahaha Daniele and Arianna. I must say, cute. =P But never saw that coming. aaand I'm going with Eric Goh. LOL. trying to picture it in my head... hmm... but anyway. moving on from there. I went out with Zheng this saturday to celebrate her belated birthday. Bumped into Jar and Kim somewht and we all went dress shopping where jar found this dress that they thought was pretty that i absolutely loathed. Didn't get it. Didn't do me justice at all. Then again, I might just be blind. Or its to do with the whole 'lets be less extravagant' thing. AND i bought her (and myself) a bag. One that she loved mind you. haha. And of course I loved mine too. We even met up with Aaron there. ended up sitting in AnW's for majority of the time talking. But I had fun. Awesome fun infact. Who knew aaron could be so interesting? =P =P but yeah. Happy Belated Zheng. LOVE you. hmm... let's see what else... Ohh prom auditions. HA. lol. i doubt i'd get in... but at least I could say I've tried. =] my best. i think. yeah well... I think i should go talk to my incredibly whiny puppy. or keep him company at least. ((No. I'm not talking about you =P )) haha love you. xx Fy Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 10:28 PM
Leaving
I love you my darling
And I hate that we're parting How can I ever atone, for leaving you alone? Close your eyes and dream of me Move along in the same harmony The music that plays in the background Shh, listen, what a beautiful sound. Do you think of me at night? When the stars are shining so bright You are the light of my life The reason there isn't knife. Think of me, amongst the summer breeze
Our hair in the wind, the scent of the flowers. Stop, just for a second, let time freeze Here, there are no fiends, just you, my lover. You said you'd be here to hold my hand Up till the very end. But where are you now? Have I lost you somehow? Now I'm leaving
I have to go To get on this plane As to not miss the last train Now you have to go Away from home And you can't even show Even that bit of you're love...? My darling,
somethings are better left unsaid. My calling, I'm afraid it's time to shed. I see you stranger And I've never been stronger To break out my wings Away from these endless flings. <3 Fung Poem Anthology. Talk about sucky. <3 Sunday, November 9, 2008, 5:20 PM
Right up to the end But where are you now? Have I lost you somehow? |
whenthelightsgoout
Said I hate you. But I lied.who thought she could own the world who knew love could taste... just so damn sweet too bad it kills you in the end. |
mymanyaddictions
broken and bleeding Jazz daily hero Redz on display Roo true to life Zheng my alternative Fung&&Bi hidden desires Adela a lost conspiracy Nat behind frosted glass Eli under the spotlight Shammie life's gift CS sweet nothings Mel two of a kind Bi truth Cal lose yourself Rico always there Drew all you need to know book reviews ever so thankful for Erica/a> awayfromhome
+ I realize that I can use this blog like a timeline... + Hello blogger.Hello myself.It's been a while since... + I feel sick,are my grievances for nought?It is the... + All Your Love + I am here quietly crying out in pain;will you save... + The Trap + I still see you fucking her in my brain. I'm sorry... + So today was day two. How did it go? Not very well... + Losing you is going to be more painful than anythi... + Well, this situation certainly calls for an:EFFEEH... livingthepast
+ July 2008 + August 2008 + September 2008 + October 2008 + November 2008 + December 2008 + January 2009 + February 2009 + March 2009 + April 2009 + May 2009 + June 2009 + July 2009 + August 2009 + September 2009 + October 2009 + November 2009 + December 2009 + January 2010 + February 2010 + March 2010 + April 2010 + May 2010 + August 2010 + September 2010 + October 2010 + November 2010 + December 2010 + January 2011 + May 2011 + June 2011 + August 2011 + October 2011 takeabow
designer: venomous inspiration: ++ |
screamyourheartout
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