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bemyheroine
I'm dancing in the room as I would in the woods with you | ||||||||
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I'm waking up, and I see the world again.
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Wednesday, August 6, 2008, 3:06 AM
One Night
right before your eyes...? it's 3am. and I should be asleep. but I can't. It's one of those nights. when your sitting in your bed, all alone. and you just feel this longing. like you wanna talk to someone, anyone... yet there isn't any to talk to. I tried cleaning and reorganizing my room today. I'm having also, another of those sudden inspiration to change my life for the better. Now, my rooms a mess. My arms are aching. and im sneezing my butt off because of those damn dust mites. and I wonder... why am I doing this?' Why do I desire to be different? am I not good enough... even for myself? I cut my hair... and I feel strange. I look at my reflection and sometimes I can't recognize the girl I'm looking at. I cut of my anklets, and now theres this strange feeling of something missing from that area. Not to mention a brand of white around my ankle, thanks to the lack of sun. I have now a strange desire to paint my room a different picture. and to move the furnitures in and out. Just to change the design. I dont get it. it's a whole new level of strangeness. While tidying up my room I found a couple of things. The letter from Bianca, which I nearly cried reading again. My very retarded painting I did during year 8. which I stuck onto my wall. My pair of earrings which I thought I had lost a long long long time ago. my old horse riding pictures. And a whole lot of other crap. and then I realize how much I've changed (for the better and the worse) and I also realized tht even tho I have changed. I've stayed the same. It's strange... different. to look back and think... wow, did I actually did that? Was I really truly that foolish? And then realize. That I had made the same mistake not too long ago. I think its nights like these when I think too much. When my brain just goes on overdrive and works without my account. Nights like these pisses me off. Because its when the longing and desire drives me up the wall. When you want someone to be there. To hold you. When you want to not talk or think. Just feel. The warmth, the comfort... the love... L-O-V-E such a simple four letter word. Yet... Not simple at all. Love. Hate. Lust. Such a thin line. Hate and Love. Love and Lust. Whats the difference? When can you tell? How can you tell? Why is it so complicated? Then again, if it were easy... it wouldnt be so special would it...? I wish it weren't complicated tho... I wish I didn't have to think... just do. and not worry bout the consequences, about tomorrow... doesn't a girl just deserve one chance? I'm always that girl. Sitting in the corner, waiting to be noticed. Always, just there... watching the world walk pass. But I'm sick of waiting. sick of watching. where is the justice? when the one does right. gets wronged? I don't wanna be a good girl I wanna walk, talk, act, differently. But I am who I am... I trust too easily, fall way too hard, just way to easily. and what happens after that? crushed. even if I had that tiny sliver of hope. crushed. why? because I wanted to be a good girl. crushed. that night. It was one hellova night. It was handed to me... that silver platter straight from hell. And I didn't take it. Yet... I can't help wondering. What if I did. Would I finally have got what I wanted? for oh so long. Probably. seeing as how the world works nowadays. I don't regret it. I don't regret it. But then again, I do. cuz once again. I'm. crushed. Oh no... it's 4am now... I guess it's time to get to bed... and try to have another of those dreamless nights. hopefully. <3 Fy -all she wants. --is to no longer come in second. |
whenthelightsgoout
Said I hate you. But I lied.who thought she could own the world who knew love could taste... just so damn sweet too bad it kills you in the end. |
mymanyaddictions
broken and bleeding Jazz daily hero Redz on display Roo true to life Zheng my alternative Fung&&Bi hidden desires Adela a lost conspiracy Nat behind frosted glass Eli under the spotlight Shammie life's gift CS sweet nothings Mel two of a kind Bi truth Cal lose yourself Rico always there Drew all you need to know book reviews ever so thankful for Erica/a> awayfromhome
+ Bianca + Danny's Day + Pictures + - + Questionnaire =D + Fallin' by Alicia Keys + Music To My Ears + Choices. + Like Water For Chocolate + He's HOME! livingthepast
+ July 2008 + August 2008 + September 2008 + October 2008 + November 2008 + December 2008 + January 2009 + February 2009 + March 2009 + April 2009 + May 2009 + June 2009 + July 2009 + August 2009 + September 2009 + October 2009 + November 2009 + December 2009 + January 2010 + February 2010 + March 2010 + April 2010 + May 2010 + August 2010 + September 2010 + October 2010 + November 2010 + December 2010 + January 2011 + May 2011 + June 2011 + August 2011 + October 2011 takeabow
designer: venomous inspiration: ++ |
screamyourheartout
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